How To Kill Annoying Vamps, Part I
by Princess Schatje Dreamer
Summary: Next in the 'How To Kill' series, this time, it's Aro's turn. I think the title is pretty self explanitory, and its short, so give it a try. Thanks to Momonster for inspiration and help :3


**How to Kill Annoying Vamps, Part I**

Aro was stalking down the halls of the Volturi Mansion, striding just that way, so that his robes billowed and flared dramatically as he walked. And _No_, he, the magnificent and ancient Volturi leader Aro, hadn't taken lessons from one human man named Severus Snape, no he didn't. Aro almost stopped himself to shake his head violently. _What_ could have possibly given you that idea??

But yes, Aro was striding along, his gait full of purpose, poise, grace, swiftness, and skill, given to him during his rebirth

He's lived for how many years now don't you know? Surely he has to have mastered the ever sophisticated and complicated art of _walking_ by now…

Then again, with the cleaner having just cleaned the floors recently, they were rather slippery – marble had to be polished regularly to keep its beautiful glossy sheen – and so Aro reluctantly slowed his pace to that of a walk.

It wouldn't do for the leader of the Volturi to slip and land on some unmentionable part, where anyone could see him, now would it? He barely repressed a shudder as that thought flew past. '_The indignity_…'

Too bad he never did see the young vampire as he passed her, or hear her incredulous remark as he turned a corner

"…Why is Master Aro making his hips move so dramatically like that?"

**~&*&~**

The Cullen coven were currently wondering around the Netherlands, enjoying the unique sights, sounds and life that any country has. Renesme was now fully grown and everything seemed to be going fine.

Alice looked down the street, but what she saw was something quite diffirent, and suddenly, she giggled.

It is one of those giggles that are hard to define; it was a happy giggle, but also contained a sinister undertone that she was well known for, emitting them behind peoples backs before something…unfortunate happened. It is the humiliating giggle you hear after you have suffered some misfortune that has rendered you utterly embarrassed, scarring you for the rest of your short, pathetic life…

"Oh, Carlisle, I think we should go visit the Volturi…" She practically sang, rocking back and forth on her heels.

Carlisle looked at one of his not-quite-children, pausing for a moment as his mind downloaded her words before sighing and shaking his head in exasperation. '_There's no point in arguing with a seer… You're bound to loose...'_

"Sure thing, Alice. Will you go gather the others?"

With a happy nod and an extra bounce in her step Alice set off to round up her family for possibly the best show they'd ever have.

She giggled again.

**~&*&~**

Jane was wondering around the mansion later that day, bored out of her tiny mind. Never sleeping means that you run out of things to occupy yourself with, very quickly.

Luckily, she had a not-so-secret secret that helped her pass the time, and that also made her ability all the more frightening.

Jane was a pyromaniac.

As in, _loved_ fire in all forms, making things go boom, watching things being burnt down until only ashes remained, she could – and did – spend hours being hypnotized by the dance of flames and the flickering shadows cast on the walls.

Luckily for her, the Volturi mansion used a lot of torches to light the various passages. The fact that it was a part of the stereotype is irrelevant. _Really_.

**~&*&~**

Aro was still not-striding down another passageway. While he appeared to have some purpose, he was bored.

Completely and utterly, out-of-his-mind bored.

He barely held in a sigh.

'_If only something would happen soon… Some random vampire breaking a law, the Cullen's being the Cullen's; __**anything**__ has got to be better then… __**this**__.'_

Nothing. That's what '_this'_ was.

Something on his forehead twitched slightly.

Turning the corner, he saw Jane entranced by the flames of a torch braced on the wall. '_Ah. At last. A minion.'_

"Jane." His voice was cool as always, calm and collected, the perfect voice for the leader of the Volturi to have.

Jane simply 'hmmmn'ed at him, clearly entranced by the flames, he could see it by the larger than normal pupils she now displayed.

Aro felt himself twitch again.

"Jane." This time it was more forceful, demanding attention.

Jane continued to stare at the dancing flame, this time not even giving him the time of day.

Aro glared at the torch, it was its entire fault that one of his most loyal minions was ignoring him. He would make it _pay_… somehow. He _will_ figure out a way, eventually.

After staring at Jane, his look reminiscent of Jane's own look to the fire, he blinked.

He'd just had an ingenious idea!

If he took the flame away, Jane would pay attention to him!

How wrong, but how very _right_ he was… And in the worst way possible…

**~&*&~**

Alice was impatient.

Most people sadly couldn't tell the difference between impatient!Alice and normal, hyperactive Alice, but he was her mate.

Jasper had learned verrry early on to read her.

Being an empath had maybe, possibly,_ kina _helped.

But back to the point, Alice was urging us all to get a move on, that we were running out of time, and that we should even run there.

Jasper sighed, defeated, as he watched his wife literally kick some of the family, CoughEmmettcough, into a run.

'_This had better be worth it…'_

Jasper skillfully ignored the sympathetic glance Edward shot his way.

**~&*&~**

Jane was angry.

Very, _very_ angry.

Aro had stolen her pretty.

_Aro had _stolen_ her _pretty_!_

Aro had to pay. '_Preferably with large amounts of pain involved…'_

**~&*&~**

"We are running out of time! _C'mon_ already!!"

"Alice, if you just _told_ us-" Rosalie was cut off with a terrifying growl, and suddenly, completely unsurprisingly, everyone decided that it was a fantastic idea to get there faster.

Alice couldn't help the smug smile the made its way onto her face as they ran.

**~&*&~**

Aro was running for his life, no two ways about it.

He ran. Frantically.

Jane followed. That odd grin on her face only making Aro more and more anxious…

He was still holding the torch that got him into this predicament as he ran, the fire dancing merrily without a care.

'_Is it paranoia to think that it's mocking me…?'_

Oh dear.

That dear girl whom commented on his stride before saw the outcome as Aro once again came to the corner where the floors had just been polished, and screamed.

**~&*&~**

The Cullen's stopped in front of the Volturi mansion, confused as to what was going on before their eyes.

Everywhere was chaos, beautiful, fiery chaos.

Before their very eyes was a figure racing around the city square, their attire on fire.

Somehow, while this person ran about in a panic, they managed to remove the said burning clothes from themselves, and threw it aside

At that moment the Cullen Clan realized that the smell of burning flesh was nowhere to be found, and that the figure whom now stood before them had not once uttered a scream of pain

It took but a moment for them to recognize the figure as Aro, leader of the Volturi, in all his naked glory. Aro blinked at them in dazed shock, long hair burnt at the edges but otherwise fine.

Bella covered Renesme's eyes, as Emmett let out a choked snigger. Jasper stood in utter shock while Edward covered Bella and his own eyes, Alice twitching.

Carlisle only shook his head at his old time friend, pressing Esme's shaking form into his chest.

In a sudden moment of fate, the clouds in the sky shifted, and a small ray of sunlight slipped through the gap and shone directly on Aro, who glittered as all his kind do, in the light. Aro blinked, looking up as if it was the first time he'd seen the sun.

Demetri groaned. Aro had just broken the one rule even he could not survive. Humans all around stared at his glittering form in wonder, as Marcus reveled himself. At his order, his prized guards had no choice.

"You know the law." Marcus ordered

They had to kill him.

Edward and Bella couldn't help the sliver of satisfaction that raced down their spine as the Guard dragged Aro away.

"…Mommy…?" Bella turned to Renesme

"Yes?"

"Did I just see the old man that tried to kill me naked?" everyone around her turned to her in amazement, and Alice finally burst into laughter

**~&*&~**

The End… For now *smirk*

**~&*&~**

End Note: While Renesme is fully grown up… She still has some innocence left. Also, its just such a priceless ending… :D

This one is dedicated to my dearest Momo, more commonly known as **Sunstar Kitsune**, for not only her giving me Aro to kill, but for her help with the flow and ending. Thanks also to Toki Mirage and Roos, for sheer insanity and awesomeness, and for creating the forum - enough said I hope.

**PhelstwinsandElftwins**, I might be able to get one of those requests out soon ;)

However, I'm going skiing at the end of this week, so no promises, and I highly doubt I'll have internet access… Oh, and Uni starts up again next week

Yet again, if you have a request, I'll see what insanity strikes…

Oh, and DISCLAIMER: If I owned Twilight, I'd let my friend control it… Lots of blood, gore, and smut would be the result *smiley-smile*


End file.
